My Middle Ground

 A few days ago, I went to my aunt's place with my parents because a prospective groom's family was coming to see my cousin. It was quite a new experience for me- one that turned out to be amusing at times, but also led to some shocking revelations. As of now, it's pretty clear to me that this is a full-blown arranged set up. But it wasn't the dreamy "girl meets boy" scene that is often projected in our Bollywood movies like Vivaah that many of us, especially girls, grow up romanticizing. This so-called matchmaking meeting was scheduled to happen in a temple- which was my first shock. But it was just the beginning. The moment we reached, I noticed everybody running around and panicking as if something extremely important related to life-or-death situation is going to happen. After some time, all the elders left. Only my cousin and I had to go later. I could sense her nervousness and how badly she wanted things to work out, even before meeting the guy. That was...

Initially, I thought of titling this blog "  Half Introvert, Half Extrovert, Full Me"- but then I paused. What really goes on in the mind of an ambivert is a constant tug of war, where one side wants to socialize, but the other whispers: "what if it's awkward?" "What if you say something wrong- or don't say anything at all?" . It gets exhausting. That's why The Constant Tug of War felt like the most perfect fit for this blog. Living in Both Worlds Let's consider a scenario: you're at a party. You're chatting, laughing and having a great time. Then suddenly- you're done. You want to go home, have your cup of chai, curl up with your favorite book and not talk to anyone for like at least 24 hours. Welcome to the life of an ambivert. Being an ambivert is like having one foot in both worlds. You thrive in social settings, but you also deeply value your alone time to recharge. Some might think it's about being indecisive, but for ...

 I AM THAT MIDDLE CHILD. AND THIS IS MY STORY. I was just 4 when my brother came into this world. Before him, I was the center of attention. Ours was a family of four- me, my parents, and my elder sister, who is ten years older than me. Soon after my brother was born, I realized something: I wasn't the oldest and I wasn't the youngest. I was somewhere in between- quietly forgotten as the attention shifted towards him. A part of me was ecstatic to welcome my baby brother. But another part of me was struggling to come to terms with the changes happening around me. Growing up, that feeling of always trying to get my parents attention never really left me. It shaped me into someone a little grumpy (not so little, at times), still wrestling with that invisible battle. It feels like I'm standing in between the two worlds- belonging fully to neither. I was never the most adored child. I was always the loudest and naughtiest one, constantly screaming and fighting- either with my pa...

 A few days ago, at around 1:00 am I received a call from my maternal uncle. He told me that my maternal grandfather had passed away. It took me a few minutes to process the news. This news hit me like a wave- cold and disorienting. But the even more difficult part was to break this news to my parents. And I had to do that. As soon as I informed them, their immediate reaction was to rush to Agra. In a matter of few minutes, they started packing and making arrangements. They instantly asked my brother who was just standing beside me, to accompany them- without even noticing or considering me. As it was a moment of immense grief, I didn't want to argue. But I did ask. I asked to go with them. But I received an answer that was polite but sharp in dismissal: "WHAT WILL YOU DO THERE". Honestly, I was taken aback. This question stayed with me the whole day. Is it not enough to just mourn or to just sit beside my mother. I would hold my grandmother's hand. I would say goodby...