That Middle Child

 I AM THAT MIDDLE CHILD. AND THIS IS MY STORY.

I was just 4 when my brother came into this world. Before him, I was the center of attention. Ours was a family of four- me, my parents, and my elder sister, who is ten years older than me. Soon after my brother was born, I realized something: I wasn't the oldest and I wasn't the youngest. I was somewhere in between- quietly forgotten as the attention shifted towards him. A part of me was ecstatic to welcome my baby brother. But another part of me was struggling to come to terms with the changes happening around me.

Growing up, that feeling of always trying to get my parents attention never really left me. It shaped me into someone a little grumpy (not so little, at times), still wrestling with that invisible battle. It feels like I'm standing in between the two worlds- belonging fully to neither.

I was never the most adored child. I was always the loudest and naughtiest one, constantly screaming and fighting- either with my parents or siblings. But behind that exterior was a person craving for her parents' attention and love. I was never goof at expressing myself, and that only added to my internal struggle. My parents usually thought of me only when they needed something- whether it was for me to mediate or to complain and crib about the other two. This is one complaint that still hasn't been resolved.

My dynamics with my siblings evolved over time. As a child, my sister was my best friend. We shared everything with each other. But as we grew older, and she moved to a different city for her further studies and job, we became distant. With my brother, it's the typical sibling relationship- always fighting but loving each other even more. They have eventually become my safe haven.

Still, there are times when pangs of insecurity and comparison creep into my heart. The neglected child in me is still there, constantly reminding me that I was never enough.... but I'm learning to recognize that I am enough, just as I am.